Everybody Lies
by Rory176
Summary: Everybody lies. We all know that. Want to find out the truth about the House M.D. characters? Ever seen the entire Grey's Anatomy cast crave for a bag of Skittles? Read this! PARODY!
1. Gregory House

**Hello every****one! This is my version of Know Your Stars and it's all about the House M.D. characters.  
The first chapter is pretty short so if you want the next ones to be longer, please give me some ideas.  
The story doesn't really have pairings, though there is some implied Huddy.  
Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1 – Gregory House****  
**

House limped onto stage and saw a chair. He was kind of tired because he'd been yelling at people all day long, so he sat down. That was a really stupid mistake.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!" My evil voice said.

House looked around him to see were the voice was coming from.

"Hello? Who's there?" House asked.

"Greg House… he hates practicing medicine." I said.

"Huh? No I don't. I love practicing medicine!" House said.

"Then why do you have a 'I hate practicing medicine' t-shirt in your closet?" I asked.

"I don't have a t-shirt like that." House said confused.

A t-shirt fell down from the ceiling with a 'I hate practicing medicine' print on it. House caught it and looked at it.

"This isn't mine." He said confused.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Greg House… he hates Cuddy." I continued.

"No I don't. I just don't love her." House said. "Oops… I hope Cuddy didn't hear that."

Cuddy ran on stage and slapped House in the face. "I thought you loved me!" Then she ran of stage again.

"What the… What is she doing here?" House asked.

"Does it matter? Greg House… he wants to take over PPTH." I continued.

"No I don't! Although that is a fantastic idea!" House said.

"And you just wonder why you haven't thought of it yourself before…" I said. "Let's move on. Greg House… he's really Donald Duck."

House looked up at the ceiling.

"Where do you get this stuff? They're all lies." House said.

"I get it off the internet!" I said excitedly. A computer appears out of nowhere on stage. House looks at the screen and sees the site: "Is this even a real site?" He asked.

"Yes and I made it! Cool huh?" I said hyper.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight." House muttered.

"Greg House AKA Donald Duck… he's really in love with Cameron." I said.

Cameron ran on stage and hugged House.

"I knew you loved me!" She exclaimed.

"No I don't!" House said as he tried to get free.

"You don't? YOU JERK!" Cameron said as she slapped House in the face, then ran of stage.

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay". House rolled his eyes.

"Greg House AKA Donald Duck… He has a wig that looks just like Chase's hair and he wears it at home every day." I said.

"I don't have a wig." House said irritated. Chase ran on stage with a bold head and said, "Why else did you need my hair for?" House looked at the ground. "But… I… You are not supposed to know that… And besides, you don't have any proof!"

At that moment thousands and thousands of photos fell down from the ceiling. House picked one up. House was on it, wearing a wig that looked just like Chase's hair.

"How the hell did you get those photos?" House yelled at the ceiling.

"Why does everybody look up at the ceiling! I'm not up there! That's just where the speakers are." I said annoyed.

House sweat dropped. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

"Anyways, Greg House AKA Donald Duck… He doesn't even like Wilson! He just uses him to help him when he is in trouble." I said.

Wilson ran on stage, crying. "Is that true, House? I thought you were my friend…"

"Errr… Wilson? You're kind of scaring me now…" House said sweat dropping.

Wilson ran of stage again still crying.

"Now you know Greg House AKA Donald Duck doesn't like practicing medicine, hates Cuddy, shaved Chase's hair so he could make a wig of it, loves Cameron and doesn't like Wilson." I said as my voice disappeared.

"HEY! COME BACK WHOEVER YOU ARE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET! YOU STILL HAVE TO TELL ME WHO YOU ARE" House yelled as he limped of stage, looking for me.  
Too bad for him, he won't be able to find me, since he doesn't even know who I am…

**So? What did you think? Good? Bad? Cookie? Hmm… Cookie! I'm gonna go get one! Anybody else want one? Yes, (throws cookies at all the readers) here you go!  
Please review and give me ideas:).  
Next victim is... WILSON! This is going to be fun! -Evil laughter- **


	2. James Wilson

**Heey people! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I do:).  
Please review and give me ideas:).**

**Chapter 2 - James Wilson**

"House? House? Are you here?" Wilson walked onto the quiet and slightly dark stage, looking around. He noticed the chair and figured it wouldn't hurt to sit for a moment. His stupid mistake…

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars." Wilson looked around, confused.

"James Wilson…"

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Don't interrupt me!" I yelled.

Wilson looked a bit afraid, but remained to sit in the chair.

"James Wilson…" I continued. "He is secretly in love with his boss, Lisa Cuddy…"

"What?!?! I have no idea what you're talking about!" Wilson said.

At that moment House limped on stage… Again… Man, I'm going to call security…

"What?!?! You love my girlfriend?!?! How could you? You're my best friend!" House yelled.

"Well, That's not entirely true…" I said. "You said that you didn't love Cuddy and that you don't even like Wilson…"

"But… But…" House was thinking of an answer when at that exact moment, security ran on stage and took House away.

Wilson just sat in the chair.

"Well… Since I found House - or actually House found me – I can go now." Wilson said, while he tried to get up from the chair.

He didn't succeed and it might've had something to do with the ropes that appeared from behind the chair and that tied him instantly.

So he had no other choice than to sit in the chair and that gave me a chance to tell my audience a little more about him.

"James Wilson… He plays My Little Pony with Chase and he always gets into fights with Chase about who gets the pink flying pony… Seriously?!?"

"HOW DID YOU KNO- I mean… THAT'S A LIE." Everyone stared at him.

"Chase, they're onto us!" Wilson hissed. Chase appeared on stage and had a suitcase with pictures of My Little Ponies on it, with him.

"I'll hide the ponies!" Chase said, while he was running across the stage.

"I GET THE PINK FLYING ONE." Wilson yelled as Chase ran off the stage - the suitcase filled with their My Little Ponies.

I sweat dropped. "...I am now officially emotionally scarred for life…"

Wilson just sat in the chair, doing nothing.

"Anyways… James Wilson, he had electroshock therapy to try and rid himself of his fear of cute little bunny rabbits." I said.

"They are NOT cute! They are evil! They are trying to take over the world and no one will be able to stop them!" Wilson said, while there was fear written all over his face.

"Yeah… Right… Let's continue… James Wilson…"

A large bag of Skittles was thrown onto the stage and fell on Wilson's lap.

"Cool, free Skittles." Wilson said as he opened the bag.

"James Wilson… He is about to be attacked by a stampede of Skittle-crazy Grey's Anatomy characters." I grinned.

"What?" At that point, Meredith, Izzie, Alex, George, Cristina, Miranda, Derek, Callie, Addison, Preston, Mark and Richard ran on stage.

"SKITTLES!" They all squealed.

"AHHH!" Wilson screamed like a little girl and ran for dear life, the Grey's Anatomy cast chasing him.

"This is my favourite part." I got some popcorn and watched as Wilson was chased by the Skittle Crazy stampede.

I smirked. "Man, that never gets old."

"AHH!" Wilson screamed backstage.

"SKITTLES!"

"AAAAAAH! Don't make me go back there. MOMMY!" Wilson screamed as he ran on stage again, still chased by the Skittle-crazy stampede.

He sat in the chair – again, stupid mistake – and threw the bag of Skittles to the group that chased him. They ripped the bag open even more and within seconds, all the Skittles were gone.

Satisfied, they all walked off the stage.

"Ok… That was a bit random," I admitted.

"Pfieuw" Wilson said. "They're gone."

Then he realised that he was in the chair again. "NOOO!" He tried to get up, but the ropes appeared again. So he was stuck.

"Let's continue. James Wilson… he _wants_ me."

"Seriously, nobody in the universe would _want_ you. You're not nice." Wilson said, still trying to catch his breath.

I sniffed.

"My mom says I'm nice... LOOK! Cute little pink bunny rabbits!"

Hundreds and hundreds of cute little pink bunny rabbits appeared on stage. Wilson screamed and ran off the stage, followed by the cute little bunnies.

I laughed evilly. "Now you know that James Wilson is secretly in love with Lisa Cuddy, plays with My Little Ponies with Chase, had electroshock therapy to try and rid himself of his fear of cute little bunny rabbits, was attacked by a stampede of Skittle-crazy Grey's Anatomy characters and that he _wants_ me."

**Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it.  
****Next victim is… CHASE!!!  
****Remember to review and give me IDEAS:).**


	3. Robert Chase

**Heey everyone! See, if I get enough ideas, I can update much faster:).  
****I hope that you'll find this chapter just as funny as I do.  
****This is my fav and longest chapter I've written so far.  
Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3 - Chase**

"Hey! This is not the E.R.?!" Chase said as he walked up the stage. His hair had miraculously grown since the last time I saw him.

"Hello Chase." He blinked and looked at the ceiling.

"Uh...hi?" He answered hesitantly.

"Sit in the chair."

"Why?"

"JUST DO IT."

"Ok ok." Chase did as he was told and sat in the chair. I cleared my throat.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars. Robert Chase… Is the king of England." Chase blinked.

"Excuse me? I'm from Australia and last time I checked England doesn't even have a king..." Chase answered.

"Details, details… Hey, if you're the king, can I be your queen? I'm your biggest fan!" I squealed.

"No, you can't be the queen. If I would be king, Cameron would be my queen…" Chase said getting a bit annoyed.

"What?!?! You would choose Cameron over me? I am offended!" I yelled.

Chase looked a bit scared after my outburst and said "Okay, you can be my queen…"

"YEEY!" I squealed and then I continued. "Ok, let's move on. We can discuss the wedding details another time." Chase's face got a bit pale after I said that.I wonder why…

I continued. "Robert Chase… He actually has a tattoo of a pink unicorn on his shoulder…

"I was 18 years old and drunk. Then you do stupid things…" Chase answered.

"But if you don't like it, why haven't you tried something to get it off your shoulder." I asked innocently.

"Well… I… Uhm…" Chase tried to think of a good answer.

"You can make up lame excuses in your own time, but I don't have all day…" I said sweetly.

˚˚ "Robert Chase… He performs secret voodoo hair rituals with Wilson.. Using cow blood. Oh, that's why your hair is so amazing!" I squealed.

"I tried that once, but it didn't work…" Chase answered.

"Yeah right… Of course it worked… How else could your hair be so insanely perfect, _all _the time? Okay, let's continue… WAIT! We have breaking news!"

I picked up a piece of paper and started reading out loud.

"Robert Chase… He has fake hair… WHAT?!?! You couldn't even tell your own fiancée that your hair is fake?!?! That's why your hair is always so insanely perfect!!!" I screamed.

"My hair is not fake! I just put lots and lots of gel in it… And you are not my fiancée!"

"If you say so… But I _am_ your fiancée, soon-to-be-hubby!" I said.

˚˚˚˚"Robert Chase… He has pictures of Foreman everywhere in his apartment… Why would you do that?" I asked.

"I don't have pictures of _Foreman_ hanging everywhere… I have pictures of _Cameron _hanging everywhere…" Chase answered.

"Well, whoever's pictures you had all over your apartment, they're not there anymore!" I said happily.

"Why is that?" Chase asked. "And how would you know?"

"Because I let them replace the pictures with mine!" I answered.

"There's a camera crew inside your apartment right now. Want to see it?" I asked.

"I don't believe you!" Chase said. "Let me see it!"

"As you wish.." I answered and a TV screen appeared on stage out of nowhere.

The TV flipped on and it showed a few people who were standing in an apartment, looking at the walls, who were covered with a lot of pictures of Cameron.

"Replace the current pictures with mine!" I ordered the crew and they did exactly what I told them to do.

They first got all the old pictures off and then put on wallpaper with my face all over it.

Then, the icing the cake, they hung up hundreds of pictures of me on the walls.

"Yeey! I love it" I squealed. "Well, fiancée, what do you think?"

"Wha… What… What have you done to my apartment?" Was all Chase could say.

"I _knew_ you'd love it!" I said happily.

Chase just stared at the ceiling and muttered. "My apartment… My apartment…"

The TV screen flipped off and then disappeared as quickly as it appeared a few minutes ago.

"Okay, moving on. Robert Chase...He eats kangaroos." At that moment, Allison Cameron ran out onto the stage looking _totally_ pissed.

"HOW DARE YOU EAT KANGAROOS?!." She slapped Chase angrily and stormed off the stage.

"I DON'T EAT KANGAROOS!" Chase shouted waving with his arms.

˚˚ "Anyway," I said with my nicest voice. " Robert Chase… He's House's son. SERIOUSLY? The famous Dr. Gregory House is going to be my father-in-law? That is just so cool!" I squealed.

"House is not my dad… My dad died a few months ago…" Chase said.

"Too bad… I was already looking forward to him being my father-in-law…" I said.

"Anyway, Robert Chase… His favourite movie is Gone with the Wind, because of the dresses. Wow, is that true?" I asked.

"No, it's not my favourite movie! A Walk to Remember is my favourite movie!" Chase said.

"You are so sensitive! I love you!" I squealed.

"Yeah, I'm sensitive. No, you don't love me… You don't even know me!" Chase said.

"I do love you, and you love me too." I said.

"I don't love you! I love Cameron!" Chase yelled.

"Yeah… Right… Where was I… Here it is… Robert Chase...is going on a date with me tonight. YEEEY!!!"

"ARE YOU NUTS? WHY WOULD I DATE SOMEONE LIKE YOU?" Chase screeched.

My voice sounded hurt. "You don't like me? But… But… But I'm your fiancée…"

"No, you're not."

I began to cry. "Sniff… Sniff…"

"...Ok, that is just scary." Chase said.

"Sniff...sniff...Robert Chase... He is _heartless_." I cried.

"I am not heartless! I just don't like you, because you're spreading lies about me in front of the American public." Chase crossed his arms in annoyance.

"You _are_ heartless! Sniff… Sniff… And you are also a scared little man-child!" I yelled, while I was still sobbing.

Chase looked very scared and decided that this was a good time to run off the stage…

"Sniff… Sniff… Now you know that Robert Chase… Sniff… Is the king of England, has a tattoo of a pink unicorn on his shoulder… Sniff... Performs secret voodoo hair rituals with Wilson, using cow blood, has fake hair… Sniff… Sniff… Had pictures of Foreman everywhere in his apartment, eats kangaroos… Sniff… Is House's son, his favourite movie is Gone with the Wind… Sniff… And the most horrible part… He is heartless…" I cried the last word and then I ran away from wherever I was, to get some more handkerchiefs.

**˚˚ - Idea by Marie Terensky  
**˚˚˚˚ - **Idea by Freakygirlhere**

**Sniff… Sniff… ****Please don't forget to review and give me IDEAS.  
'Cause the more ideas I get, the faster I'll update:).  
Next victim is… Cameron!  
I can't wait to tortu- I mean, interview her. ˚Smiles sweetly˚ Sniff… Sniff…**


	4. Allison Cameron

**Well, here it is! Chapter 4:). Sadly, there are just 2 more chapters left.  
****˚Aaaaaaaaaaaw˚. But… I decided to write another one for Grey's Anatomy!  
So if you want me to put that up after Everybody Lies, please tell me:).  
I hope you'll like this chapter!  
One thing, if you like Cameron, please don't read this chapterXD. **

Chapter 4 - Allison Cameron

The stage was unusually quiet and I was heaving a bored sigh. I tapped my fingers against something and sighed again. The stage remained empty along with the evil chair. People heard the dialling of a phone.

"Hello? Yeah, I'm calling for a new victim.. I mean contestant… Hey, we have a show today and no freaking person to annoy... If you want to get paid, send Cameron out here...I don't care what stupid lie you use. Tell her, I don't know, House is on the stage..." At that moment, Allison Cameron skipped out onto the stage humming merrily.

"Wow that was fast." I hung up the phone and coughed a little. "Hello Cameron, sit in the chair." Cameron blinked and did what my evil little voice asked her to do.

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars. Allison Cameron... She likes to attack people with muffins… Do you seriously think that people are going to get hurt by getting a muffin thrown to their head?! You'd probably do them a favour if those muffins are good…"

"I like making people happy!" Cameron squealed.

I sweat dropped. "Right… Moving on… Allison Cameron… She drinks Vodka out of a vase… Ever heard of glasses?!"

Cameron looked like I'm crazy. "Glasses are too small… Duhuh…"

I raised an eyebrow and said "Yeah… "

I thought for a moment. "You're right!"

Allison clapped her hands and smiled.

"Yay! I'm right!"

I raised my eyebrow again.

"Yeah, you're right… Don't make such a big deal out of it…"

Cameron rolled her eyes.

˚˚ I continued. "Allison Cameron… She is very mean to old ladies… What did old ladies do to you?" I asked.

"I am not mean to old ladies. I always help them to cross the street and stuff. I would never do anything to hurt an old person." Cameron answered.

"Never? Not-even-for-one-million-dollar-never?" I asked.

"Well, for one million dollars, maybe I would." Cameron said happily.

"You would?" I looked stunned. "I always thought that you would be the one person, who would never do that."

"Well, then you thought wrong." Cameron responded.

˚˚˚I sighed. "Allison Cameron… She is planning to create the perfect man, using Wilson's personality, House's sarcasm and smarts, and Chase's hair… Are you insane? Wilson is boring... You should use my personality! I'm loving, caring…"

Cameron interrupted me. "Annoying…"

"What?! I'm not annoying! I'm just telling the audience things about you that no one knows.."

"Ok." Cameron said, while she smiled sweetly.

I blinked. "Wow… She was easy to convince…"

"Allison Cameron… She plans to dominate the world."

"YAY. I'm going to fill the world with sugar rainbows, healthy people and ponies."

"...Note to self, move to the moon... Allison Cameron...She built a shrine for House and put the corsage he gave her, in it. She makes sacrifices in the hopes of House falling in love with her… Is this true?!"

Cameron nodded. "Yeah, and it works! He looked at me twice today during a differential diagnosis! He even talked to me when it turned out that the patient has an auto-immune disease!" She squealed happily.

"Did it occur to you that the only reason he talked to you is that his patient has an auto-immune disease and you're an immunologist…?" I asked.

"You are just jealous that House is in love with me and not with you…" She answered and she stuck out her tongue.

I rolled my eyes. "If you say so…"

I paused and then continued. "Allison Cameron.. She hasn't got a life..."

"I don't? Aw, poor me." Cameron said a bit sad.

"YOU DO HAVE A LIFE."

"I do? YAY." Cameron squealed happily and clapped her hands.

"Grr... Allison Cameron...she's actually a boy."

"I am? I always thought I was a girl."

"YOU _ARE_ A GIRL."

"Then how come you said I was a boy?"

"I WAS _LYING_."

"Ohh."

"RRRRRGGG! Allison Cameron… SHE'S STUPID." I yelled angrily.

"Dude...are you a ghost? How come you seem like a ghostly voice from nowhere?" Cameron asked, ignoring the comment.

"Ok...very random today aren't we?"

"When I grow up, I want to be a doctor."

"...I'll take that as a yes." I sighed.

˚˚˚˚"Allison Cameron… She secretly eats puppy meat…"

"No, I don't… Puppies are sweet!" Cameron squealed. "I want to have one for my birthday. Will you buy one for me?"

"THAT'S IT, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE… I AM SO OUT OF HERE." I said angrily and I walked away from wherever I announced.

**˚**

**˚˚ - Idea by Single-Black-rose  
****˚˚˚ - Idea by Marie Terensky  
****˚˚˚˚ ****- Idea by Freakygirlhere**

**Don't say I didn't warn you;). I like Cameron, she's my fav character, but it's just fun to make fun of herXD.  
The whole 'vase'**** idea was based on a conversation I had with some one who was drunk, but I won't tell you who it was, ˚Cough…˚ Freakygirlhere ˚Cough…˚, so thank her for that;).  
****The next victim is… Foreman! Please give me ideas, or I will be forced to write another boring Author's Note…:)  
****Anyway, I hoped you liked it and please leave a review:).**


	5. Author's Note

Heey:P  
I would really like to know whether I should continue this fic or not.  
If I should continue, the next chapter is almost done - I just need one more idea and then I will be able to update again.  
Foreman's the next 'victim'.  
I really hope that I will get a few replies:).  
Love,  
Layla


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